Self-Introduction

Dear Professor Blackstone,

I would like to take this opportunity to introduce myself to you through this post. My name is Lim Kien Leong Evan, currently a year one telematics student in Singapore Institute of Technology.  I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in infocomm and network engineering with merit in 2016. After that, I went to national service for two years.

Besides from studying, my interest is cooking. I started to like cooking when I was young, as I would watch at the side and learn how my mum would cook. Now, while I am free at home, I would help out in the kitchen to cook food with my mum’s guidance. Also, it is fun trying out cooking with friends, you get to interact and bond in the process.

In terms of strength in communication, I am a good listener. I am always the go-to person whenever my friends require a listening ear. I would pay attention to what they say, understand how they feel, and give them truthful unbiased opinions or feedbacks.

As for my weakness in communication, that would be public speaking. Generally, I am socially awkward with people I am not close or familiar with. When it comes to speaking in front of a large group or giving a presentation, I start to get nervous, stumble over my words or even forget what to say next. Hence, I start to avoid eye contact and my voice sounds tight and constrained, causing me to present unprofessionally.

Communication is like a bridge between two individuals. My goals in this module are to develop on my public speaking and apply what I will be learning for my future. And I look forward to achieving more in your technical communication class.

Regards,
Evan Lim

(Edited on 29/9/2018)

Commented on:
-         Ming Yu
-         Firah
-         Ai Min

Comments

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    Replies
    1. Dear Evan,

      I have enjoyed reading your email. Both the content and structure of your email is very good and I felt that it was smart of you to link your cooking interest with something related to communication. Furthermore, your email is well-planned with sufficient amount of information and examples to support your explanations.

      Yours sincerely,
      Musfirah Binte Latiff

      Delete
    2. Dear Firah,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and gave me your honest feedback, I appreciated it.

      Hope to see you in class later.

      Regards,
      Evan Lim

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Evan,

      I enjoyed reading your self-introduction. This email is well developed with sufficient examples and detailed information. I like that you have shared you interest in cooking with us. The details that you provided allow me to understand why you enjoy cooking so much. I think I have a better understanding about your strength and weakness in communication.

      The paragraphs are well organised. The language used was very fluent and clear. There is one mistake that I have discovered. For "I starts to get nervous", it should be "I start to get nervous " instead.

      I look forward to see you in class every Wednesday.

      Regards,

      MingYu

      Delete
    2. Dear Ming Yu,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and giving me your honest feedback, I appreciated it. I will take note of my mistakes for future compose.

      I look forward to see you in class too. Hope you have a great day ahead.

      Regards,
      Evan Lim


      Delete
  3. Hi Evan, I really enjoyed reading your email. Interesting background story, I did not know that you can cook, maybe you can cook a meal for me next time. The email is well-organised smooth-flowing. You might want to add on what interests you to take up telematics. For language wise, there are a few flaws. The sentence structure for this sentence "And when it comes to listening, my friends do not mind sharing their problems with me.", is a little awkward. You might want to change it to this "I am always the go-to person whenever my friends requires a listening ear. Overall, this email is really interesting and a great effort. Lets continue to help each other to improve in technical communications.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Sean,

      Thank you for taking your time to read my letter and giving me your honest feedback, I appreciated it. I will take note of my mistakes for future compose. Well, my cooking are still not that great yet, maybe we can cook together next time if we got a chance?

      hope you have a great day ahead and see you in class later.

      Regards,
      Evan

      Delete
  4. Dear Evan,

    Thank you for this detailed reflection. I really appreciate how informative it is, with a clear broad focus, yet one that answers each of the specifications of the assignment. I especially enjoy learning about your interest in cooking. Any favorite dishes?

    In terms of language use, there are quite a few items you need to review:

    1. sentence structure
    -- After which, I went to national service for two years. >>> (which > that)
    -- As a good communication requires talking as well as good listening. >>> (fragment)
    -- As they said I would pay attention to what they say, >> ?
    -- Resulting in a lack of eye contact and being unprofessional. >>> (fragment)

    see https://www.lib.uoguelph.ca/get-assistance/writing/grammar-style/improving-your-sentence-structure

    2. spelling
    -- Asides from studying, >>> ?

    3. phrasing/words
    -- when I was young, where I would watch at the side and learn how my mum would cook. >>>
    when I was young, AS I would watch at the side and learn how my mum would cook.

    -- Besides, when you are cooking with someone, you are also interacting and bonding with them.
    >>> (Are you talking to me?)

    -- a good communication >>> ?

    4. verb issues
    -- Also, I like trying out cooking any food with my friends, it is fun. >>> (comma splice)
    -- I starts to get nervous.. >>> (subject-verb agreement) ?
    -- and my voice would sound tight >>> ?
    -- My goals in this module is >>> ?

    This accumulation of errors can be troublesome for th reader. It will be good for you to make an effort not just to revise but also to understand the issues at hand.

    I look forward to getting our work started in the module.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Professor Brad,

      Thank you for your honest and long feedback. My favourite dish is egg omelette, because you can add different kind of ingredients to it every time you make it. It is simple yet unique. I am really weak when it comes to language and I know I have a lot to catch up on. I will do my best to learn and understand from my mistakes. Hopefully, by the end of these module, I will have some improvement.

      Hope you have a great weekend. I will be looking forward to your class.

      Regards,
      Evan Lim

      Delete

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